Lauren Reads YA

Review: I Don’t Want To Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz

I Don’t Want To Be Crazy
by Samantha Schutz 

Genre: contemporary, memoir
Topics: mental illness, anxiety/panic disorder
Publication date: July 1, 2006
Publisher: Push (Scholastic Inc.)
Pages: 288
Source: Bought
Similar books: Anything by Sonya Sones, Lisa Schroeder, or Ellen Hopkins
Links: The Book Depository | Goodreads

SYNOPSIS: This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities — freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she revelled in the independence… but as pressures increased, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated. Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir.

THOUGHTS: A beautiful verse novel about anxiety/panic disorder, written by someone who has actually gone through these things, so knows what it’s like. It’s also a memoir, and I think Samantha Schutz is very brave for telling her story to the world. 

Teens (or anyone really) who suffer from anxiety disorder, like me, will be able to relate to this book perfectly and feel like they’re not alone. And we all need that sometimes.

It will also be a good read for those of you who like realistic stories about tough issues, or if you have a friend or family member suffering from an anxiety disorder, and want to understand them better. It really felt like I was reading my own diary sometimes, and I think I’m going to recommend it to some people who don’t seem to understand me at all. 

I Don’t Want To Be Crazy is one of those books in which I keep underlining certain quotes because they relate to me. Here are a few that I liked:

QUOTES: I have been telling myself
that these feelings are new,
but they aren’t.
I just didn’t connect them before.

I don’t think I ever realized
how Nate’s eyes are crisp blue
and that he speaks softly, like he’s whispering,
like he’s afraid someone will hear.

New York City towers above me and around me—
trees below like twigs, cars like ants,
people specks of dust
and here I am on top of it all,
thinking about jumping twenty-eight floors
and making it all stop
I am so close to the edge that I could vomit
so close that it would be easy to jump.

I feel like I can’t control my limbs
and the sound inside my head is like a tornado.
I want to cover my ears,
but I know the sound is deep inside.

*Sighs* I could quote this book forever. Overall, It was an easy read, but kept me engaged the whole time.

Someone who reviewed this book said that the author made people with anxiety seem crazy, and I was really offended, actually. If anything, Samantha Schutz made people realise with this book that panic disorder is something medical, and you can’t help it at all, and itdoes not make you crazy. I just wanted to say that.

★★★★☆

A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl’s struggle with anxiety disorder.